it was valentine's day. we were in iceland, in a remote village up north, for the second year in a row, though the year before it had not coincided with valentine's day. this year, we did an early valentine's day at the blue lagoon, which was a lovely wonderful perfect day, so i didn't expect we would do anything special on the actual day of valentine's day.
when i woke up, i noticed an unfamiliar and unassuming paper package on the table of our little wintry cabin, but even then i didn't think twice about it. when my boyfriend—strange to call him that now, but i'll continue with this terminology as appropriate, as that's what he was to me at the time—woke up, he presented it to me and wished me a happy valentine's day. i opened it—a beautiful white blouse that had caught my eye when window shopping the other day. and a bra and panty set to match—both a gorgeous design, and strangely enough: white. an odd color for a lingerie set. in my head i thought, "hmm, that feels a little bridal." yet that was as far as the thought went. i later found out the bridal connotations were accidental, or at least not consciously intentional; he had simply chosen a set to match the blouse.
then we had some coffee, got dressed, and headed up the road to the house the rest of our friends were staying in. i don't remember what we did for most of the day, but at some point, a couple of photography-interested friends asked if anyone wanted to take some portraits. i didn't hear that part, i just heard my boyfriend say, "hey, wanna go take some portraits?" to which i of course readily agreed—who doesn't love a good couple portrait?
still nothing was indicating "proposal" to me, until i went to the bathroom right before we went out to take the photos. having a moment alone, it hit me that this would be quite an opportune moment for a proposal. wait...could it be???
i shook off the thought when i noticed how totally un-nervous my boyfriend seemed, and how utterly nonchalant our friends were. they chattered eagerly about lenses and sensors and printers. surely they wouldn't be having a photography nerd-off if there was a proposal imminent. i later discovered they had no idea the proposal was happening. and to be fair, the nerding out likely still would have been happening (i love having passionate friends).
i also discovered later that at this point even my boyfriend didn't know the proposal would be happening—at least not at that exact spot at that exact moment. the initial plan was to take a walk down the road, and have an entirely different friend film it on his phone. but as our photographer friends snapped photos, my boyfriend realized that was actually the moment. he stealthily texted the intended videographer friend to get outside ASAP—it was happening, now!
the next thing i knew, he had gotten down on one knee and asked me to marry him. of course i immediately started crying, and also apparently immediately removed my gloves in a surprisingly lucid move, despite feeling totally taken aback and reeling. we also both noticed pretty quickly that we heard no camera shutters—the photographers had looked away for a moment, engaged in conversation, and had yet to realize what was going on. but they caught on quickly when my boyfriend called their name and they turned to see him on his knee.
at this point, i was still simply crying, my hand covering my mouth in shock—then i realized i hadn't answered yet. "YES!" i breathed. "i forgot to say yes!!!!"
it felt like an eternity, but was probably only 20 seconds that i had left him hanging. though even before i verbalized my answer, he knew my tears were me crying affirmatively.
he—my fiancé now—delicately placed the ring on my finger. it was stunning. i had no idea what kind of ring i wanted, just something simple and sparkly, and he knocked it out of the park. it twinkled and danced in the winter sun.
now that the waiting and secrecy were over, all the preparatory hijinx began spilling out of my fiancé: what the original plan was, moments he thought it had been foiled, pivots he had taken, and how he had called my parents the other day instead of his boss like he had told me. i felt a sigh of relief that i hadn't realized i was holding in—i was worried he hadn't talked to my parents in advance!
i cried fresh tears. i couldn't believe we were really engaged.
soon enough, we went inside to celebrate. we had bottles of sparkling wine to toast to our engagement—we had been the ones to purchase them at the airport upon arrival, under the guise of being needed for some unrelated workshop or closing ceremony. i hadn't suspected anything there, either.
it turned out to be a perfect balance of intimate and shared. only a few friends witnessed the actual proposal moment, but so many were around to celebrate with us just a few hours later.
it helped me ground in this new reality. when we first started dating, i felt a bit of imposter syndrome saying the word "boyfriend," as it was my first ever serious relationship, and i had spent so much of my life with my identity firmly anchored in "single." now i was experiencing this anew with the word "fiancé." but having so many friends around to witness this change helped me acclimate to it quickly.
my fiancé. you better believe i will be wearing that word out while i can. a strangle liminal word; he won't be it for very long, in the grand scheme of things.
he got it right when he said, just before he got on one knee, "every day with you is better than all the days before."
that's exactly how i feel about him, too. and now we get to spend the rest of our days together. i couldn't be happier!
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| photo by glawk_40 |
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