Uhhhh, I think I can do whatever I want, actually, I would say in my head.
Since moving here, I have indeed been to church more times than the club. You can be an angel in Berlin!
Stereotypes aren't pulled from thin air, though—lots of people in Berlin are doing a lot of precisely those aforementioned things. The fashion designers here, too, can indeed be more intense than they might be in other places.
Today I had an appointment for a casting with a fashion brand I haven't worked with before, though I recognized them from a previous event I've done, meaning we have lots of connections in common. I didn't think much about it, and applied right when I saw the casting call on Instagram.
As I was getting ready this morning, I went to their Instagram profile to see what kind of shoes I should bring to the casting. I had a hunch they might be more of a "boots" brand than a "heels" brand, and their instagram feed confirmed my suspicions.
Scrolling their Instagram also made me realize that I might have Berlin-ed a little too close to the sun. Sure, I knew before that their garments were on the tinier side, but baring skin isn't a big deal to me. As I looked closer, however, I saw that their accessories also included various drug paraphernalia that I sincerely hoped was fake, but looked eerily real. I felt a trickle of fear creep up my spine as I realized how intense some of their outfits really were.
My boyfriend reminded me that I of course don't have to wear anything I don't want to wear; I could just politely say no, thank you and decide not to do the show, if it came to that.
Quite right. I just hadn't ever been in that situation before. I pride myself on being an easygoing, easy-to-work-with model that will wear whatever you put on me, whether it's giant flapping wings and a feather covering most of my face (this has happened) or some strings you found on the ground and thought might look good on a person (this has not happened—yet). So the idea of having boundaries unnerved me a smidge. I wasn't sure how I would handle it.
But this reminder calmed me down, and as the fear subsided, the clothes didn't even look quite so scary anymore. There were lots of outfits that I even liked, and would be happy to wear; they weren't all super scary.
I finished getting ready and steeled myself for whatever might come. To my delight, when I arrived, the designers were perfectly warm and welcoming. They put me in a few different outfits, all pretty tame compared to what I was frightfully imagining. I was even worried I didn't have the right intense look that they wanted from their models—but as I shed my coat, scarf, and gloves, they gave me a once-over and pursed their lips approvingly, saying, "Nice look."
After taking some photos and seeing my walk, they said they'd send me the address for the show and sent me on my merry way. I left feeling lighter.
Fear can make anything look ten times as scary. Things might turn out much better than you expected, and creativity is a beautiful thing even when it's a bit intense. It's an honor to bring a designer's vision to life.
I will be checking the vision a little more closely next time, though.
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