the "why don't we just skip today?" voice

i don't know what to write about! i accidentally skipped two days (understandably, i got engaged for pete's sake) writing a blogpost, not even in a row but two days total, and now every time i feel some resistance to writing the day's post, like if i don't know what i want to talk about or don't feel brave enough to attempt something i do want to write about, then a little voice says, "why don't we just skip today?"

maybe this is normal. maybe i struggled with habits before because i'd always give in to that voice and think it was the end-all-be-all. but why not listen to the voice that says, "do it anyway; we want this"?

when i first started going to the gym, i didn't feel much resistance. the gym was the place where my boyfriend lovingly taught me new things and looked really hot; how could i resist going there? 

but now it's the place where i fail, the place where i have to do things that i feel like i really can't, the place where i push myself even when i don't want to. after the gym today, my fiancé told me that he's proud of me. for going when i don't want to go. so many times lately, on the way to the gym i inform him that i really don't want to go. and that's all—just informing. i don't want to go, but i will. 

i do think it's a bit easier for the gym specifically, because it's something we do together, and has tangible benefits and motivations which also tie us together. i want to be strong for my sake, for his sake, for our future children's sake. 

for writing, i'm a little more likely to feel like the whole thing is a fool's errand, that i'm not getting any better and i'm no good anyway so why even try. 

i get so tired of these feelings. like well and truly sick of it. but i'm not sure they'll ever fully go away. the skill perhaps isn't disappearing them, it's the ability to do the thing anyway in spite of them. making the "do it" voice louder and stronger than the "don't" voice. 

it's not about "never giving up," it's about letting yourself give up, then always trying again one more time. i give up every single day, sometimes even multiple times a day! i feel down on myself, i feel hopeless, i feel stupid. but trying anyway certainly can't hurt, and might even help, so every time i give up, i attempt to try again once more.