proposed solution: make sure i do one modeling thing per calendar month. if i don't get an actual gig, then reach out to photographers and set something up myself, on a tfp (time for prints)/collaboration basis.
expected flaw in this plan: i already have a modeling gig scheduled (or completed) for the calendar months of march and april, thus absolving me of any additional effort for these two months. by the time may rolls around, i expect i will have lost my courage to follow through with the plan (if another actual gig doesn't happen to fall into my lap).
one thing i learned from my photoshoot yesterday is that, although i felt more comfortable in front of the camera than i expected i would, i still come off as an amateur when it comes to posing. there's simply no way of getting around the fact that it is a skill that needs to be developed—not some divine download that happens without my involvement.
but what i also learned is that as long as i'm actively modeling, i actually don't really care that much about being bad at it. i just care about being able to do it—and developing more skill certainly is one way of ensuring i'm able to do it more often.
another thing i realized is that i was afraid i had been chosen for the photoshoot yesterday out of desperation—that the designer surely would have gone with someone else if she had had more choice. what actually happened at the shoot was the designer put me in two looks instead of just one, specifically because my body would suit it better than the substitute model she had put in it for the group photos (one model had dropped out last minute, meaning one of the assistants stepped up as substitute).
i have a fashion show booked in about a month. we'll see how my feelings about modeling go in the meantime!
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