modeling thoughts

i might want to transition away from runway. i have a show coming up next week (and one tomorrow) and i got a message saying not to wear heels that are too high, because part of the runway is on stone and grass. no idea how treacherous that will turn out to be. i could really do without the fear of a dangerous runway, so photoshoots sound more appealing to me at the moment. but we'll see how i feel after my show tomorrow. 

speaking of, i realized i assumed that as i did more modeling, then i'd just somehow also accumulate a portfolio, but i'm just realizing recently that a portfolio doesn't materialize unless i make it happen. especially considering the fact that i've done almost exclusively runway thus far. 

i don't want to work super hard to make a portfolio but i'd like to at least do the following: 1. more photoshoots, so i have something to even put in a portfolio (and get more practice posing) 2. think about what kind of modeling i'd like to do or aim for, so i can try to steer my portfolio shoots to capture that vibe. though as my fiancé pointed out, i could also just keep doing a bunch of different kinds of modeling, then decide which one i like the best, rather than trying to know in advance. 

i was lamenting my ignorance about how to make a super appealing (as in, gives a professional vibe as a model you'd want to hire) instagram layout, then my fiancé and i did some analysis on what exactly made the difference. one thing we identified is that almost all my photos are full-body, which looks great in the main feed, but not in the thumbnail view on your profile. other profiles seem to have a nice mix and lots of closeups as the first slide and thus as the thumbnail, then perhaps having the full version of the photo mixed in later in the carousel. another difference was. i tended to make a whole row (three posts) from the same shoot or gig, but there was more visual interest on other profiles where they were more interspersed (i'd done it that way to at least have some level of intentionality in my grid, but couldn't be arsed to plan the whole layout in advance—i already have enough friction to even post at all). it was educational and empowering to talk through the differences together. 

a passing thought i had recently is that i'd like to keep some sort of count of the acceptances and rejections i get. i don't know if i'd want to actually follow through on that, but the results would certainly be interesting. with test shoots (collaboration-based photoshoots where i've reached out to photographers on my own), i'm 2 for 2, which feels genuinely insane. the thought also crossed my mind that if i'm not receiving any rejections, then i'm definitely not shooting high enough. i do get many rejections from gigs i put my hat in the ring for though—or more often, just no response back. i did recently apply for a street photoshoot casting call and they actually did respond, saying they were looking for a different look for this shoot but to definitely reach out to future castings, and that was genuinely very nice of them to give an actual rejection rather than just not responding at all. 

feeling fired up about modeling makes me feel quite nice. though on the other hand, i also feel like it has an expiration date. not that it will for sure, but i'm preparing for the potentiality of my body looking completely different due to eventual pregnancy. who knows if i'll be in any shape to model then. 

until then, i'll keep having fun with it! wish me luck for my show tomorrow.