the time for cowardice is yesterday

i have decided to stop being a coward about proactively modeling. by that i mean, i have set up a photoshoot this weekend, just for fun! i recently modeled in a photoshoot for a student designer, and i realized it was actually the first photoshoot i had done since 2022, which was when i first started modeling for real at all. and i have acknowledged that the only way to get better as a model is to do it more, including photoshoots, not just runway, but i knew that thus far, my cowardice has hindered me doing so. 

but i have a bit of momentum going right now, so i figured why not take advantage of it and set up a shoot while i feel like i can. the recent photoshoot was about three weeks ago, and around that time i decided i'd try and accomplish one modeling event per calendar month—while also acknowledging that that might now be frequent enough to keep the momentum going. the photoshoot was pretty inspiring, though, after i got over the initial feeling of "oh no, i'm bad at this." i am definitely an amateur, but who wouldn't be, after only one other photoshoot?! i could definitely see the potential in many of the photos, and also admit that the whole team was students, so our amateurishness all compounded together. 

i have a fashion show at the end of the month that's been scheduled for a while, and actually just today i booked one for next week, too. it's for another student fashion show, and i'd seen a couple student designers already looking for models, but they hadn't responded when i put my hat in the ring. however, just today i saw that the designer i did the photoshoot for was also looking for models for that show! i sent her a message and she ecstatically replied that that would be great, as i'd already know my outfit (though actually now that i think about it, she had put me in two different outfits, so i'm not sure which of those two it'll be, but i'm familiar with them both). 

so then i decided, what the heck, why not add another photoshoot while i'm at it? i sent a message to a photographer i'd met at a fashion show last year, who has previously offered to photograph any event of mine if i just let him know. he couldn't make it to my last show, and at the time i had proposed we do a photoshoot sometime for fun. i hadn't followed up though, until today. i realized i'm free this weekend and the weather will be nice, so i asked if he wanted to do a photoshoot with me. he said yes! then immediately asked if i knew any locations. 

i thought this might happen—i finally reach out to a photographer to do a photoshoot, and they have zero ideas and i have to do it all. the thing is, once i accepted this, i was actually quite excited about the prospect! i realized i do have locations i've been wanting to shoot in. i immediately started researching and putting together a pinterest board for my vision. i sent it to him within an hour. he then suggested another, very different location as well, which...didn't really fit my vision. but in that moment i realized that if it doesn't go well this weekend, i can actually be the one the organize and direct another photoshoot specifically tailored to my vision—i even have an idea of which model friends i'd ask to model for it. that's when i got really excited. so many people love to model (and i have so many friends who are great at it), it feels like a wide-open lane to actually come up with shoot ideas and provide opportunities for models, rather than wait around until one opens for myself.