three things stood out to me. first, that none of the posts were as bad as i thought they were at the time. it's even kind of funny, because in several of them i talk about how bad previous posts felt and how down i got about how hard writing is and how impossible it is to ever make any sense. but for the most part i was perfectly sensible. at least, sensible enough!
the second was that not only were none of them awful, some parts struck me as genuinely pretty good! i was shocked i had written them, to be quite frank. my perception of my writing as i write is that i overuse conjunctions, lean too much on passivity, and generally lack any real spark. but reading past posts, plucky verbs and unique turns-of-phrase abounded. i was very pleasantly surprised.
the third thing that stuck out to me was all the little things i almost left out. i distinctly remember hemming and hawing about throwing in a passing description of something that happened—not because i wasn't sure it was worth saying, but specifically because i felt it was worth saying more about, and that i would be doing it injustice by just tossing it in and walking away. but some of those drive-bys reminded me of things i genuinely would have forgotten otherwise—especially little things about my fiancé, which also made my heart sing, that i had been able to capture here and there a glimpse of what makes him special.
overall, i'm very proud of myself for what i have accomplished. i still get scared, i still feel hopeless, i still worry it's all for naught, but despite it all, i wrote and wrote and wrote. i'd like to keep going, as long as i can. i've been slacking a bit the past couple weeks, letting myself skip some days here and there, and i think that was the right call, but i think it's time to hunker down again and be strict about posting something daily. in the beginning i didn't want that to become a rule, but honestly as rules go it's a pretty good one. it keeps me in the habit at just the right frequency.
one thing i'd like to keep in mind is to just get in there and start writing, and not pre-worry so much about knowing what to say. i'm always pleasantly surprised at how the way forward shows itself one stepping stone at a time, if only i can find the courage to start.
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