we made friends at church!

moving countries means also moving churches. though we've been going to this new church every sunday (except of course the sundays when we're away....which has been three already—sidenote, mass in japan was amazing!) since we moved, we hadn't really meaningfully interacted with anyone and definitely hadn't felt like we made any connection with people who might become friends. 

until this past sunday! we went to english mass (which we sometimes do, but not english), and this week they were having fika afterwards. it was like coffee and donuts after american mass, but this was coffee and little sandwiches. 

when you start attending a new church, it's usually not obvious how to integrate yourself into the community. even if you're ready and willing! so many places just assume everyone already knows all the ways one could get involved, and don't think to intentionally create an obvious pipeline for newcomers to enter the fray. 

for example, a lot of places distribute information in whatasapp groups with current members. which is great! but that means newcomers aren't privy to that information, especially if the website isn't kept up to date. my fiancé tells the story of when he reached out to a judo club he was interested in trying out. they took almost two months to get back to him, and when they did, shared that they had been meeting every tuesday in the meantime and he would have been free to join at any time! and he certainly would have, if he had had access to that information! via, for example, the website. 

turns out this time it was a similar deal. once we started chatting with people at the fika, we were able to discover the existence of and join in the relevant whatsapp groups. 

in this case, the fika did work as a successful funnel to catch us newcomers! but it would have been nice to have something catch us earlier than two months in. my family's church back home, for example, has collection envelopes in the pews, which also function as a touchpoint with newcomers: there are checkboxes on the back of the envelope to mark whether you're a newcomer and provide your contact information. then you can drop the envelope in the collection basket, even without or separate from any collection offering you give. 

anyway, all in all it's not a huge deal, but i've been thinking a lot of this sort of thing: the distribution of information, coherent communication ecosystems, and intentionally creating funnels for newcomers to join in. 

back to the title: it was so exciting to make some friends! or, hang out with people who could potentially become friends! it was especially relieving for me, to meet people we liked who felt very comfortable speaking english. not that it's rare in sweden for people to speak english, but there's a difference between being able to manage, and being able to feel completely totally comfortable and even making lots of jokes and whatnot. 

and i continue to be shocked that everyone suited to being my friend isn't my friend already. how many more out there could there be????